Valentine's Day 2-7-2012
Men, let it be known that Valentine's Day was not started as part of a general conspiracy to get guys to buy the women in their lives those special gifts they missed at Christmas -- you know, gifts that say, "I love you." In reality, Valentine's Day was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 A.D. It was during the Middle Ages and the time of Geoffrey Chaucer when the day first became associated with romantic love, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.
So, with a nod to England's acclaimed bard, it is important today's male steps out of his comfort zone to give the woman in his life an expression of his love.
But what do women really want?
A little Internet research with "top Valentine's Day gift" wasn't much help, especially when it suggested writing a personal love story to that favorite lady. I could do that, but it would be pretty short: "I said I love you when we were married. If that ever changes, I'll let you know." Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme, but you get the point. Perhaps a better idea would be to provide your special lady with what she really desires.
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a popular book. It's called The 5 Love Languages. In this book he identifies five ways we show love for each other. He postulated each one of us has a primary "love language" that says, "Yes, I know you do love me." The five love languages are "Words of Affirmation," "Quality Time," "Receiving Gifts," "Acts of Service" and "Physical Touch."
His theory is that if the wife's primary love language is "Quality Time," and the husband sends flowers while on a trip, there will be issues. It also works for guys; if your love language is "Physical Touch," and she gives you "Words of Affirmation," there will be trouble.
So perhaps the best gift you can give this Valentine's Day is finding out exactly what your special lady wants and then giving it to her. For example, if she really wants "Physical Touch," then a hug and a kiss before you head out to the golf course would be better than flowers ...
and less expensive too.
You can thank me later.
So, with a nod to England's acclaimed bard, it is important today's male steps out of his comfort zone to give the woman in his life an expression of his love.
But what do women really want?
A little Internet research with "top Valentine's Day gift" wasn't much help, especially when it suggested writing a personal love story to that favorite lady. I could do that, but it would be pretty short: "I said I love you when we were married. If that ever changes, I'll let you know." Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme, but you get the point. Perhaps a better idea would be to provide your special lady with what she really desires.
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a popular book. It's called The 5 Love Languages. In this book he identifies five ways we show love for each other. He postulated each one of us has a primary "love language" that says, "Yes, I know you do love me." The five love languages are "Words of Affirmation," "Quality Time," "Receiving Gifts," "Acts of Service" and "Physical Touch."
His theory is that if the wife's primary love language is "Quality Time," and the husband sends flowers while on a trip, there will be issues. It also works for guys; if your love language is "Physical Touch," and she gives you "Words of Affirmation," there will be trouble.
So perhaps the best gift you can give this Valentine's Day is finding out exactly what your special lady wants and then giving it to her. For example, if she really wants "Physical Touch," then a hug and a kiss before you head out to the golf course would be better than flowers ...
and less expensive too.
You can thank me later.
Who's on Your Team? 2-14-2012
If I may coin a line, "Every successful team has a strong leader, and every strong leader has a successful team." In other words, it is my observation teams that experience success have someone at the helm, setting the course, casting a vision and inspiring team members to give their best efforts. It is also my observation successful leaders surround themselves with a trusted team of advisors, who can provide feedback, opinions and support for the leader.
Men, I would propose that as a leader in your family, your church, or your occupation, you, too, should have a trusted team of advisors, who can play a crucial role in your leadership. I would suggest your team needs an Encourager, an Admonisher, an Intercessor, a Confessor and a Mentor.
Your Encourager is the person who can watch you, listen to your dreams and then encourage you. Without encouragement, the temptation to resign at the first sign of difficulty is pretty strong.
The Admonisher is the truth-teller. Without someone who can speak bluntly and tell it like it is, a leader receives a false sense of security concerning the obstacles that are ahead.
An Intercessor is a person who is praying for you, asking God to provide you the tools you need for leadership.
Your Confessor is the person who hears your faults and will not repeat them.
Your Mentor provides you with wisdom and instruction, so you constantly improve.
Men, who is on your team? Do you find there is one person who fills more than one role? Is there a position that needs filling? I would encourage each of you to build a strong team. I would also encourage you to be a good team member for another leader, if called upon.
I leave you with three tried-and-true thoughts about teamwork:
1) None of us is as smart as all of us.
2) Teamwork means not having to take all the blame.
3) There is no limit to what you can accomplish, when nobody cares who gets the credit.
Men, I would propose that as a leader in your family, your church, or your occupation, you, too, should have a trusted team of advisors, who can play a crucial role in your leadership. I would suggest your team needs an Encourager, an Admonisher, an Intercessor, a Confessor and a Mentor.
Your Encourager is the person who can watch you, listen to your dreams and then encourage you. Without encouragement, the temptation to resign at the first sign of difficulty is pretty strong.
The Admonisher is the truth-teller. Without someone who can speak bluntly and tell it like it is, a leader receives a false sense of security concerning the obstacles that are ahead.
An Intercessor is a person who is praying for you, asking God to provide you the tools you need for leadership.
Your Confessor is the person who hears your faults and will not repeat them.
Your Mentor provides you with wisdom and instruction, so you constantly improve.
Men, who is on your team? Do you find there is one person who fills more than one role? Is there a position that needs filling? I would encourage each of you to build a strong team. I would also encourage you to be a good team member for another leader, if called upon.
I leave you with three tried-and-true thoughts about teamwork:
1) None of us is as smart as all of us.
2) Teamwork means not having to take all the blame.
3) There is no limit to what you can accomplish, when nobody cares who gets the credit.
At What Cost? 2-21-2012
At the end of the 1963 movie, Cleopatra, Marc Antony (Richard Burton) falls on his sword and is taken to die in Cleopatra's (Elizabeth Taylor) arms. Soon after he dies, Octavian (Roddy McDowall) confronts Cleopatra and demands she return to Rome with him. Cleopatra replies, but never looks up from the floor. Octavian is furious and demands of her that she "look me in the eye!" Over and over he yells, "Look me in the eye!" Each time she glances at him and then turns away.
As I watched this old film I was reminded of the times in my life I was told to look someone in the eye. The earliest memory I have is my Dad setting my down in a chair across from him to discuss the transgression I had committed. I didn't see it as such a big deal. After all, he used those words in anger, why couldn't I? But I sat there, head hanging down, feeling ashamed and hurt for my error.
Dad calmly spoke and wanted me to look him in the eye. As I did I could see he wasn't going to do me great bodily harm. Instead, he was going to share words of forgiveness.
I thought about that day for a long time. Why did Dad want me to look him in the eye? Finally, it dawned on me -- he wanted my full and undivided attention. He wanted me to concentrate and remember his words. He did not want me distracted and inattentive. To this day I am honored when people give me their full and undivided attention, which is usually signaled by looking me in the eye.
Yes, I have been at meetings and have watched people feign attention as they gazed out the window, answered e-mails or texted their friends. I have talked to the back of kids' heads as they watched TV. I have yelled into the other room in an effort to exert my knowledge -- all done to no avail. The window gazers, e-mail texters and TV watchers are not paying attention to me. Sometimes I feel like Octavian and want to scream, "Look me in the eye!"
I want people to be there in the communication process. By "be there" I mean I want to know they are focusing on me and my words, just as I focus on them and theirs. We lament the lack of communication in our modern world, but if we would just be there in our discussions, we would find our communication much improved.
Men, consider what I'm saying. Always be there for those you communicate with. Pay attention. Resist the urge to let your mind wander as you think of your reply. Listen to what they're telling you. The message you may be disregarding for some daydream or another tick off of your mental to-do list, might be something very close to the person's heart you're talking to.
After all, we can all use somebody to talk to every now and then.
As I watched this old film I was reminded of the times in my life I was told to look someone in the eye. The earliest memory I have is my Dad setting my down in a chair across from him to discuss the transgression I had committed. I didn't see it as such a big deal. After all, he used those words in anger, why couldn't I? But I sat there, head hanging down, feeling ashamed and hurt for my error.
Dad calmly spoke and wanted me to look him in the eye. As I did I could see he wasn't going to do me great bodily harm. Instead, he was going to share words of forgiveness.
I thought about that day for a long time. Why did Dad want me to look him in the eye? Finally, it dawned on me -- he wanted my full and undivided attention. He wanted me to concentrate and remember his words. He did not want me distracted and inattentive. To this day I am honored when people give me their full and undivided attention, which is usually signaled by looking me in the eye.
Yes, I have been at meetings and have watched people feign attention as they gazed out the window, answered e-mails or texted their friends. I have talked to the back of kids' heads as they watched TV. I have yelled into the other room in an effort to exert my knowledge -- all done to no avail. The window gazers, e-mail texters and TV watchers are not paying attention to me. Sometimes I feel like Octavian and want to scream, "Look me in the eye!"
I want people to be there in the communication process. By "be there" I mean I want to know they are focusing on me and my words, just as I focus on them and theirs. We lament the lack of communication in our modern world, but if we would just be there in our discussions, we would find our communication much improved.
Men, consider what I'm saying. Always be there for those you communicate with. Pay attention. Resist the urge to let your mind wander as you think of your reply. Listen to what they're telling you. The message you may be disregarding for some daydream or another tick off of your mental to-do list, might be something very close to the person's heart you're talking to.
After all, we can all use somebody to talk to every now and then.
Providing for our Children 2-28-2012
Men, once we become a dad, it is our responsibility to give our children all they need to help them grow into the best adults they can be. Our responsibility goes beyond just providing our children with the basics needed for life: food, clothing, shelter, etc. We should be involved early on in all aspects of our children’s lives. We need to be intentionally involved.
Children with loving and involved fathers are more confident in their identities, better equipped to meet new challenges, more likely to mature into empathic adults, comfortable in their abilities, more sociable, more secure in themselves, less likely to yield to depression and thoughts of suicide and, for boys, less aggressive toward others, while for girls, less likely to engage in sex.
The statistics point this out in a dramatic way: 63 percent of teen suicides, 90 percent of all runaways and homeless children, 80 percent of rapists with anger problems, 85 percent of children with behavioral problems, 85 percent of all youth in prison and 75 percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers … come from fatherless homes. The numbers paint a frightening picture.
Dads, it is never too late to begin getting involved in the life of your child. Now is the time to play games, talk with your child, take him or her fishing and take time to listen to their wonderful stories. Even if your children are out of the house, you can still spend time listening to their dreams, sharing your insights, personal struggles and suggestions.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does need to be demonstrated.
Children with loving and involved fathers are more confident in their identities, better equipped to meet new challenges, more likely to mature into empathic adults, comfortable in their abilities, more sociable, more secure in themselves, less likely to yield to depression and thoughts of suicide and, for boys, less aggressive toward others, while for girls, less likely to engage in sex.
The statistics point this out in a dramatic way: 63 percent of teen suicides, 90 percent of all runaways and homeless children, 80 percent of rapists with anger problems, 85 percent of children with behavioral problems, 85 percent of all youth in prison and 75 percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers … come from fatherless homes. The numbers paint a frightening picture.
Dads, it is never too late to begin getting involved in the life of your child. Now is the time to play games, talk with your child, take him or her fishing and take time to listen to their wonderful stories. Even if your children are out of the house, you can still spend time listening to their dreams, sharing your insights, personal struggles and suggestions.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does need to be demonstrated.
